Monday, July 16, 2012


And so I take now to my post; this old familiar shadow in silence.

I fear at these times that my words have forever passed, and with them, the deafening cry of winnowed and separated souls. I chase after them both with a fluttering pulse, and recount, somewhat needlessly how they ever both became. My pandora station seems to always play the same songs, and I pound away on a keypad I don't command, and wrangle with answers that seem elusive to the wisest of masses.

I seem to stumble into the most precarious sorts of conversation. In some, I am the excavator, desiring to uncover the hidden substance deposited beneath, while in others I am running to seek the cover with which I'd desire to blanket the exposed. I find it most difficult to strike a proper balance...

I've messed up in so many ways these past weeks (and months and years for that matter). I fell onto my own heap yesterday, and in my attempt to pass below all radars, I was questioned quite squarely. It was as if all of my substance separated, and with some exacting words, I spilled out my ache for the overlooked masses. Excuses were given, attempts were made, but in the end I couldn't count a one to stack up, for the church of Christ has simply failed to see the people directly within her midst.

The man who'd begun with his questioning of me was halted when I'd mentioned that not a single soul in his congregation had yet asked me how I was doing. I said this without bitterness, but frankly, and to make my point. I make do wherever I seem to go, but I happen to know this isn't so with others in my life, and I just wonder what on earth it is that keeps us so to ourselves, and so afraid of entering into the worlds and hearts of others. Any thoughts???