I have been incapable of relating my thoughts these days, and while little ah-ha's make their way into my mind, they seem to dissolve before time to record them comes. I've been wrestling with longings, and the desire of the human heart. When I pulled out of my Pennsylvania home, restrained tears fell, and for the first time I felt wearied of my coming and going's as a solo nomad. The thought seemed strange to me, and as I perused all of my wayward thinking, I deduced that I really did long for family and home. The years have lent themselves to questions in this, for reason of pragmatism and productivity (1 Cor. 7), but anymore it seemed all foolish, for at times I am very incapable in my singleness. I have reasoned that weakness is to display Christ's strengths, and pursued it no longer... This is true, but some things remain.

My last post was on the goodness of God, and the veracity of this element of His character. As I was considering this again, I thought last night of Psalm 73:25 that says, "whom have I in heaven but You, and besides You I desire nothing on earth." I bit my tongue to think of this, and how often I live apart from this truth. In the inner recesses where faith is distilled, this is true, but throughout passing days, I heave. The verse "for indeed while we are in this tent, we groan, being burdened, because we do not want to be unclothed but to be clothed, so that what is mortal will be swallowed up by life" comes back to me, and I see my desire for any and all things on this earth are only indicative of my longings for the fare of my true home.

We looked through 1 Cor. 15 on Sunday night and talked about what is to come. I sat there in such a tension as I realized again how vaporous and fleeting is my existence, and how dogged I ought be in light of this. My captivation with creature comforts must subside as I draw inward and beg of my Master to give me His eyes to see, His hands to heal, and His words to speak as I seek to live most fully as a pilgrim in this land that is not my home. Please join me this day as we consider these things.